I am a ‘woman’, and I am proud to be one – are you? Maybe not. Know why? Because ever since you were a little girl it was drummed into you that a ‘woman’ is any overweight female with about three kids and facing a midlife crisis. Wrong. That is far from being a woman.
Ever gone to a party and heard ripples of laughter and girlish giggles when a grownup man enters and says "hey girls?" Compare that to the response you would get to "hello ladies" or worse – "ah women.". Nope not even a smile to that last remark. Ever wondered why?
I’ll tell you why. The word ‘woman’ is associated with so many negativities that no female wants to be called a woman. Shame isn’t it? Draw a mental picture of a ‘woman’ in your mind. Now let me rip that apart. Because a ‘woman’ is far from what has been portrayed and the general connotations people associate with ‘womanhood’.
Misconception 1: Womanhood does not come with age. It is an attitude, a state of being. Womanhood is not a physical state, but rather a stage of mental maturity and emotional intelligence. It is maturity not only of action, but thought and emotion. Perhaps that’s why it is usually misinterpreted with age. But a 20 year old female can also reach womanhood.
'Womanhood' is the most beautiful, fulfilling yet challenging experience any female can have in her lifetime – if she ever reaches that level of competence and security within herself. To be able to look the world in the eye and say I will, I can, I am and I accept myself for not having the physical strength of a man – but emotions as firm as boulders, a mind as intelligent as can be and a will strong enough to move the world. To not only accept herself as the physically petite sex, which was not made to do certain tasks but still be able to make decisions which can change the world. A woman knows that she has to and is capable of running a house, rearing children, and being extremely competitive at work. Women are the only beings who can juggle so many tasks and still not lose their feminine touch.
Ah ‘feminine’ – does not mean stilettos, a perfect figure, manicured nails and picture perfect looks. Feminine is a feeling. Within your heart you must know that you are the most beautiful creature God ever created. That even ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ and the most beautiful adornment of heaven is also – a ‘woman’!
Womanhood comes only from the test of times, and signifies strength paired with delicateness. A woman is graceful not in her physical attributes, but in her manner, her poise, her actions. She can compete at the highest levels of intelligence and still not be classified only in one box. Any female who comes even near the feeling, the always vibrating emotion of womanhood in her existence - like being in love – can conquer the world any day, and will love to be called that which she is – not a girl, not a baby, not a lady, not a little lady – but just a woman – and oh – that is so hard to be!
Ever gone to a party and heard ripples of laughter and girlish giggles when a grownup man enters and says "hey girls?" Compare that to the response you would get to "hello ladies" or worse – "ah women.". Nope not even a smile to that last remark. Ever wondered why?
I’ll tell you why. The word ‘woman’ is associated with so many negativities that no female wants to be called a woman. Shame isn’t it? Draw a mental picture of a ‘woman’ in your mind. Now let me rip that apart. Because a ‘woman’ is far from what has been portrayed and the general connotations people associate with ‘womanhood’.
Misconception 1: Womanhood does not come with age. It is an attitude, a state of being. Womanhood is not a physical state, but rather a stage of mental maturity and emotional intelligence. It is maturity not only of action, but thought and emotion. Perhaps that’s why it is usually misinterpreted with age. But a 20 year old female can also reach womanhood.
'Womanhood' is the most beautiful, fulfilling yet challenging experience any female can have in her lifetime – if she ever reaches that level of competence and security within herself. To be able to look the world in the eye and say I will, I can, I am and I accept myself for not having the physical strength of a man – but emotions as firm as boulders, a mind as intelligent as can be and a will strong enough to move the world. To not only accept herself as the physically petite sex, which was not made to do certain tasks but still be able to make decisions which can change the world. A woman knows that she has to and is capable of running a house, rearing children, and being extremely competitive at work. Women are the only beings who can juggle so many tasks and still not lose their feminine touch.
Ah ‘feminine’ – does not mean stilettos, a perfect figure, manicured nails and picture perfect looks. Feminine is a feeling. Within your heart you must know that you are the most beautiful creature God ever created. That even ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ and the most beautiful adornment of heaven is also – a ‘woman’!
Womanhood comes only from the test of times, and signifies strength paired with delicateness. A woman is graceful not in her physical attributes, but in her manner, her poise, her actions. She can compete at the highest levels of intelligence and still not be classified only in one box. Any female who comes even near the feeling, the always vibrating emotion of womanhood in her existence - like being in love – can conquer the world any day, and will love to be called that which she is – not a girl, not a baby, not a lady, not a little lady – but just a woman – and oh – that is so hard to be!
Afreina Noor
Pakistan
12 comments:
This is so true, and relevant to my life right now. I constantly wonder what term to call my female friends and co-workers. "A woman that I know" would be the best choice to refer to them if there weren't so many negative connotations with that word.
What is the way in which we can remove these negative connotations and reclaim it?
Perhaps if we women actually started to tell people that we're NOT "girls" or "females" and ask us them to refer to us simply as what we are - WOMEN... then perhaps a lot more connotations could be removed.
WE must PROPOGATE the IMAGE "WE" WANT to REFLECT!
Afreina, I appreciate your positive attitude towards women but I wonder if your description of 'womanhood' doesn't rely on some antiquated notions of what women are. In this day and age, where the women's mvmt has given us gender theory, queer theory, and a plethora of different conceptions and dissections of gender constructions, it seems as though reinforcing the "traditional" notions about who women are, what they do, and what they look like actually constitutes a bit of backpeddling. What about leaving 'womanhood' undefined - isn't gender striving toward fewer constraints? Shouldn't it be?
Dear Anonymous
Thanks a lot for your comment! I think what you have stated is 100% correct BUT for already developed nations. We tend to write and form our observations from our perspective. Sitting in a developing nation like Pakistan, with millions of chains binding women and making them fight for the smallest of liberties such as having to ask or tell family/ husbands/in-laws where they're going and when they'll be back even after becoming mothers really does transport one back in time rather then the latest offshoot of the gender debate which you mentioned in the end.
Huma and I exchanged a lot of e-mails after I wrote this - and there was some feedback I got [from males] which actually did take one back to the 'stone age!'
However in this article I tried my best to define all the things 'womanhood' is 'NOT' rather than what it IS. So I was basically exmplifying or using the aides of what it should NOT be thought of as compared to what it should be. Another factor was because I can't put this state of being in words. And I wanted it to be left open (can also be thought of as with lesser constraints) for the reader to establish his/her own perspective.
A last point i'd like to make is that I may have used the crutches of traditional notions but tell me what image do you think the western as well as eastern media are trying to portray of women these days? The expectations are rising sky high day by day. You have to be able to talk the talk, walk the walk, raise kids, be proffessional, well educated, have a great home, look stunning at the same time and above all have a good/ strong/ positive self image. Taking into account a 9-5 job, kids at home, daily chores aside - how many women do you think will be able to play the perfect hostess on a Friday night?
I hope you were able to get a stride of the thought process I was coming from when writing this?
Love,
Afreina
few questions on ur piece:
-- "Because ever since you were a little girl it was drummed into you..."
Isn't this politically incorrect? "Drummed into you"? Isn't this pornographic?
-- "The word woman is associated with so many negativities that no female wants to be called woman."
How can u say that? A woman to me is beauty, sex, ecstacy. There are women who enjoy getting the attentions, being made love to by men, and women in case they're lesbian. Being woman is liberating.
-- "But a 20 year old can also reach womanhood."
Yeah right. See you in another 10 years!
-- "...still spoil that child like man in her life.."
;-)
-- "A woman is graceful not in her physical attributes but in her poise, manners."
BULLSHIT! a woman is graceful in the size of her waistline, the roundness of her breasts, the sexiness of her butts, and in how inviting her lips are. Poise & Co. come later.
after reading this article, i
couldn't help but feel a bit alienated. i read it over three times each time trying to begin with a more open-mind. now it's quite possible this is merely a case of an inability on my part to
empathize, or my lack of knowledge in the area of gender studies; but
-- and this is just a gut reaction to the text -- it seems to be going
in the wrong direction. perhaps this is a strange and perverse
example, but it's what came to mind: it's as if the jews were
protesting that they weren't treated as well as the communists in WWII. repeatedly affirming the equality of women to men doesn't
necessarily seem wrong to me but i guess i see it as missing out on
bigger points; a distraction.
i understand the desire to do it; it's comparable to workers wanting
better wages. but it seems to me like a distraction away from more
fundamental questions that both men and women face and could do well to ruminate on together.
I agree that Woman is an undervalued word and Afreina is addressing that. I, for example, have repeatedly had to correct people when they say, "Mount Holyoke, that's a girl's school, right?" and I say, "Uhm, no, it's a woman's college."
We are likely to hear in conversations or on TV a young boy being told to "Be a man", but how often do we hear young girls being told to "Be a Woman"? When does one begin to be a woman? At the age of 18? At puberty? Or at some other undefined point in life? One way to get Woman to supercede Girl is for us to start using it more often, as Afreina suggests.
I must say that my interest in this post was was piqued more by the comments posted here by the Anonymous', who have raised some thought-provoking questions, rather than Afreina's writing. I intend to offer constructive criticism when I say that the writing could be improved with better editing. After the first paragraph of "Womanhood", I skimmed the rest because it appeared to be an unmoderated gushing of feelings that I was not impressed with. I checked the comments out of curiosity, though, and got hooked. I'd suggest to Huma and Brie that the comments should be visible on the main blog page underneath the post, for easier reading.
Thanks Nadia, that is exactly what we hope to accomplish with the articles - to spark discussion. We are curious to hear all different viewpoints. Hum - great job getting the comments to show. How'd you do that?
"Misconception 1: Womanhood does not come with age. It is an attitude, a state of being. Womanhood is not a physical state, but rather a stage of mental maturity and emotional intelligence. It is maturity not only of action, but thought and emotion. Perhaps that’s why it is usually misinterpreted with age. But a 20 year old female can also reach womanhood."
Personally, I believe womanhood for myself has come with age, and more accurately experience. After all age is truly a synonym for experience. However, I have been lucky to have been given a life, where I was protected enough and freed enough. Balance is what we must always look for in our lives.
That being said, I know there are others who have not had this opportunity. A friend who has lost a parent(s) at an early age, may attain womanhood sooner than a girl with both parents. An older, responsible sister may attain womanhood sooner than her younger sibling. An 18 year old female fighting in Iraq may attain her womanhood sooner. This is the great mystery of life. Each female has experiences so diverse, that we cannot and should not say when they have reached womanhood.
I do understand that cultural contexts play a huge role in this definition as well. Being from Sri Lanka, I have too often gone to the parties where I long to sit and talk with the men, who are polorized on one side of the room. Sometimes I do sit and I do talk. Sometimes I am uncomfortable as the older males wonder why I am not chatting with the women. Other times I am at complete ease as the male party(ies) listen with interest to my insight on their latest hot topic. Womanhood is so complex that the cultural context makes it even more difficult to pin down.
"To be able to look the world in the eye and say I will, I can, I am and I accept myself for not having the physical strength of a man – but emotions as firm as boulders, a mind as intelligent as can be and a will strong enough to move the world. "
You know, I think one of the great things about women is their ability to say damnit 'I'll cry if I want, I'll scream if I want' or perhaps, 'this is not the time'. No we're not perfect and I think we cannot and should not portray ourselves as such. We have flaws but as you rightly point out, we accept our flaws and maybe even try to work on them. Emotionally, I am with you, I do feel I have emotions as firm as boulders, but not everyone does and that is more than okay. As women we are lucky we have the choice to say, I choose to express emotions.
Sorry Afreina.But I am surprised to read a very immature line of thinking of girl and womanhood.Conceptually speaking ofcourse girl and boy is more biological and it is the societal roles make a man and woman , as per gender theory.-feminism doesnt start arguing with girlness! What you are saying is simply that one wants to be called a woman.Well, inherent problems in what society thinks and the very word of subordination and women being ''taken as objects'' and all the discrimnation on the basis of gender is what we all are fighting for, not merely what we want to be called, as it is the broader treatment which matters. For myself, I know I am a woman and will continue to know this, dont need to be reminded, and dont need to be bothered over girl issue.
We the woman need to focus on broader issues in womens movement , in both rural and urban context.
I hope this gives you some understanding and line of thinking as I have put plainly.
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