12/17/07

A Postcard: P. Davanzzo


“For a woman to starve to death is a small matter,

But for her to lose her chastity is a great calamity”

This is written on a postcard that I brought from Ghana. It is part of a series of postcards produced to support national tourism. And it portrays a woman sitting by some baskets, hands crossed over her lap.

How can this be? How can people be so different, think so differently? How can we be at peace when we are traveling, learning and sharing other cultures, coming across things that hurt and disgust? How do we stop our judging and accept? Or even: should we? Should we accept something that feels like a punch in the stomach, should we fight for change? What is our reach, how fair is our understanding, how fair is our point of view? How fair is our interference?

I don’t know. I don’t have the answer to any question. Open mindedness brings me a degree of exposure that is scary and irreversible. The only thing I know is that in my world, the world that I create in my imagination, this postcard doesn’t exist. Instead, there is another postcard that says:

“For a woman to lose her chastity is a small matter,
But for her to starve to death is a great calamity.”

12/11/07

Quote Of The Day

Apply yourself. Get all the education you can, but then, by God, do something. Don't just stand there, make it happen.

--Lee Iacocca, industrialist

12/9/07

Figuring it Out


This August, recently armed with undergraduate degrees in literature and political science, I did what any directionless American liberal arts major lacking financial ambition might do: ship off to teach English abroad. I was lucky to land a year-long Fulbright English Teaching Assistantship at the prestigious Bilkent University in Ankara, Turkey – a part of the world I’d always wanted to visit. I could take free graduate classes while teaching “speaking skills” to small classes of would-be Bilkent undergraduates lacking the language skills necessary to meet the English-medium university’s standards. Read: they wanted warm-blooded native speakers to talk for twenty hours a week. Sounded simple enough. Little did I know just how provocative those hours of essentially free-for-all conversation would be.


My original goal was simply to hold the students’ interest, avoid philosophical landmines (i.e. obey the law) and nudge them towards fluency. I start out with a seemingly flawless lesson plan: an analysis of the Beatles’ “When I’m 64,” followed by predictions of what their lives will be like when they reach that age. To my dismay, my chirpy questions are answered with blank stares. The distant future? They’re late teens still trying to pass the upcoming exam, much less deal with answers to existential questions fifty years from now. To top it all off, the questions are coming from a wacky 23-year-old teacher – barely older than them – hiding anarchist sentiments under awkward-fitting “professional” clothes. The fact that I’m ditching my friends and family to teach them the English they need to get a Turkish education is beyond comprehension. What can they say? Will they end up staying in Turkey or go for the “utopian” dream of graduate school – and potentially life – abroad? Will their passports ever double as tickets into the EU? Is Turkey sliding down the same “slippery slope” towards fundamentalist Islamic rule à la Iran as some Turks insist? For those with immediate family in current or potential war zones, the future is even more precarious. “Insh’Allah, teacher,” they say, Arabic for “god-willing,” “we want a good life, but we don’t know what will happen.”



Actually, each time I walk into a classroom, neither do I. I consistently find myself in a crossfire of social issues I only vaguely understand. A macho student in a pink playboy-bunny shirt fiddles with his brand-new BMW keys in one hand and seductively swings his prayer beads in the other, bragging about the girls he’d met at a bar the night before; next to him, a girl pats her hairpins to make sure the hat she’s wearing covers all her hair (since by law she can’t wear a headscarf to school) as she complains about society’s expectations of women’s physical appearances; next to her a heavily made-up girl in a skin-tight miniskirt and knee-high boots furrows her brows at the mention of alcohol (technically prohibited in Islam) and promises to bring me a copy of the Koran next class. An Iraqi exchange student describes her recent trip home as “peaceful” while an adrenaline-charged boy fresh from his military service demands an explanation of the US’s presence there. A previously quiet girl offhandedly suggests the army destroy Kurdish villages out east; an invisibly-Kurdish boy from the far east is silent. The Bulgarians and Azerbaijanians need special translations of new vocabulary. Those on scholarship need help circumventing the all-too-prevalent topic of “shopping.” Most students are happy discussing their hometowns and Turkish food, but for a small yet vocal minority, the topic of Greeks and Armenians (not to mention Jews, Asians, and blacks) offers endless material for cruel jokes. One boy says he wants to “holocaust gay people.” And I am to say…what? “Holocaust” is not a verb?

The problem is, I’m trying to juggle a little too much: teach English with laughable training, wind my way through a labyrinth of cultural nuances, and figure out what to do with my life. Let’s be frank: for most young graduates, “teaching English” is less a passion for grammar than it is a “gap year” between school and “real life.” Meanwhile, the luxury of my indecision feels increasingly unfair. Bilkent University is one of the top universities in Turkey, and the Turkish-born English teachers I work with are some of the best in their field. Their jobs are competitive and they work hard towards advanced teaching degrees. Me? I didn’t take a single education course in college – yet I have the option of teaching virtually anywhere until I decide to dabble in the myriad of choices available to me. Japan or Spain? Journalism career or graduate school? I’m the face of the cultural imperialist force neither side can escape: no matter how hard my coworkers study English, I’ll always have a leg up just because my native language happens to be the current international one. No matter how much I struggle with the assigned English translations of Foucault and Deleuze in my graduate courses, my Turkish peers are facing an exponentially more difficult battle. And yet no matter how American foreign policy taints my students’ gut reaction to my nationality, they’re always up for talking about Justin Timberlake’s new song. Not necessarily because it’s good. Just infectious. Because it’s everywhere.

These students don’t particularly care about the Beatles. Like most of the industrialized world they know Lost and Angelina Jolie, but they’re also growing up in an especially conflicted and diverse country currently facing issues with enough conversation material to last a lifetime. They deserve teachers who will encourage critical thinking relevant to their lives. I’ve adjusted my lesson plans to discuss topics like gender roles, global warming, and international standards of beauty – even the wildly popular (and arguably anti-American) Turkish television show Valley of the Wolves Iraq. We have debates. Heated debates. And I learn far more about Turkish culture from my students than I ever could fumbling through Turkey on my own.
The cliché rings true: I learn just as much as – if not more than – my students. What was originally a vehicle for getting abroad has become the most stimulating aspect of my life in Turkey. I can’t always give them my all; teaching, studying, translating, and missing home is exhausting. However, I give them more than I expected. Like them, my future life-path is fuzzy. We’re figuring it out together.

After graduating from the University of Pittsburgh in December 2006, Lisa Brunner tried radio journalism and nannying before arriving in Ankara in August 2007. Her job ends July 11, 2008 - any ideas????

12/5/07

She’s Cheering You On














At the beginning of 2006, I organized a creative retreat for nine women in my artistic community. We had all known or known of each other for many years through our work as artists and writers, but we had never spent time together face to face. We met for three days at my home in Solvang, CA, where we spent time talking, creating, taking pictures and having one great big slumber party. There were structured activities and free time, a wine tasting picnic and a dancing in my living room, and by the time the weekend was over we had formed a bond that will always be with us, reminding us of the beauty and importance of our creative community.

One of the activities we did was an exercise led by Andrea Scher, an artist and personal coach, in which we all imagined a conversation with our future selves. We were instructed to visualize where we were, the environment, the weather, the time of day, even what we were wearing. When the exercise was over, we all shared our conversations with each other and contemplated why our future selves said the things they said, as well as why we asked the questions we asked.

When I imagined sitting down with my future self, I pictured a living room in a cozy house. There were tall ceilings, a fluffy, oversized couch, and a fireplace with a beautiful fire burning. The sun had just set beyond the French doors, and the back yard served as the foreground to a gorgeous view of the mountains. The image exuded peace, comfort and a delicious intimacy, and the most important message I took away from this encounter was that I would always be OK. My future self wanted me to know that no matter what, I would always have whatever I needed to get through any challenge or triumph that lay before me.

This experience has stayed with me ever since - the knowledge that my future self is actually out there, cheering me on and encouraging me every step of the way having made a mark in my psyche that I can always turn to when I feel lost, overwhelmed or uninspired. I imagine my future self sometimes looks at me and shakes her head, but in the gentlest way, knowing I’m simply doing the best I can despite my stumbles and foibles. I sometimes hear her in the back of my mind saying, “It’s OK, you’ll figure all of this out and I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

I do various things to pull myself deeper into my faith when I start to lose my way – I pray, I draw cards from a deck of Rumi quotations, I look to the stars for inspiration and I talk to my grandma, who passed away less than two years ago, for guidance. While all of this is wonderful and meaningful and spiritual, I find the idea of looking to myself now and then for spiritual affirmation very powerful, for if I cannot look to and rely on my future self - which I hope to be my very best self, my wisest self, someone who may still have many lessons to learn but most assuredly has learned more than I know now - then I really have lost all hope of finding meaning in anything I do.

It is my future self that is waiting for me. She knows me best, knows what I am capable of, and can teach me so much of what I need to learn. Your future self is waiting for you too, and knows you are strong and beautiful and powerful. Listen to her; hear her cheers.

Christine Mason Miller

12/1/07

Luisa Weiss: The Wednesday Chef




Luisa Weiss writes The Wednesday Chef, a food blog that she calls "a food section face-off" and I call a lovely, lively column about food and life written in a down-to-earth style that's both witty and slightly self-deprecating, yet always warm and genuine. You've heard of comfort food? Well, this is comfort reading ... about comfort food. With pictures! Luisa allowed her to interview her a la the Vanity Fair Proust Questionnaire, and this is what we got. Salud!

Name: Luisa Weiss

Age: 29

Relationship Status: Happily paired with my boyfriend, Ben

Living Situation: With roommates in a Chelsea rental

Job/how do you support yourself: I'm a cookbook editor.

What is your ideal way of spending time: It depends, on the weather and my mood, I guess. In winter, I'm happiest inthe kitchen or curled up on the couch with Ben and a good book or somenot-yet-seen episodes of The Office. In the summer, I love being outsidewith friends - having a picnic, discovering some random hike or beach (Idon't get out of the city enough), or just going on a stroll in the city.

Where were you born? Berlin, Germany

Where do you or would you like to call home? I currently call New York City my home, though with each passing day I'm finding it harder and harder to really imagine myself here for the long run. For one thing, I need more space, more quiet and more green. And yet, I can't entirely imagine myself as a happy suburbanite. So I'm stuck for now. I'd love to move to Los Angeles and live in a little bungalow for a while. With a lemon tree in the yard and palm trees out front. Doesn't that sound like a nice kind of home?

What is it like being you: Hrmm. That's an interesting question. I'm not entirely sure how to answer that. Lately it's been a little tiring being me - lots of work, busyweekends, not enough time decompressing in the kitchen. But it's going to be pretty happy and relaxing being me in about four days - we're off to Bermuda for a friend's wedding, then to Europe for another wedding and a week with my family in Italy.

What are you listening to right now: The hum of traffic on 19th Street.
What did you eat today: Milky tea and a gulp of OJ at home this morning, and a hazelnut flute from Le Pain Quotidien (my go-to breakfast when Ben eats all the cereal at home and I've got nothing left for breakfast).

What is the most exciting thing that's happened to you in the past year: Getting a new job and my trip to Los Angeles in March where I spent a morning at the Santa Monica Farmer's Market with Russ Parsons and Amy Scattergood, and visited the LA Times' food department and test kitchen with Leslie Brenner, the food editor. It's been a good year so far! And it's only May.

Coffee or Tea: Tea.
How did you get involved with food/cooking/writing: I've always loved to cook and bake, and writing has been a hobby of mine since college at least. Two years ago, in a moment of insanity, I decided to start chronicling my journey through my recipe clippings. I'm so so glad I did.

What breaks your heart: Watching old people eat ice cream cones. Seeing other people cry.

What swells your heart: Being with the people I love.

What is the most important thing in your life: Um, the people I love? And trying to find equilibrium in this totally insane world.

What is your idea of perfect happiness: I don't really think that perfect happiness exists - trying to attain it seems to be a sort of futile exercise. Though I imagine that the advent of world peace precisely when I'm on vacation after winning the lottery and giving all of it away to people who need it more than I do would come pretty close.

What is your motto: Don't live by anyone else's standards but your own. Sometimes I have to make myself repeat it a little more forcefully than I would like to.

What is your favorite journey: It's always changing. It used to be flying home to Berlin over the red roofs while I gazed at the skyline. Now? It's dreaming about journeys I haven't yet taken - India, Africa, Vietnam.

What is the best piece of fashion advice you've gotten: Two things: Less is more. And better to spend a lot on one thing you love than to spend a little on many things you just like.

What is it you most dislike: Competition, aggression, dishonesty.

What words or phrases do you most overuse: I'm an English major! I'm always editing myself. (At least I hope so.)

What book(s) are you reading now: Nigel Slater's Real Fast Food and Cormac McCarthy's The Road

Describe your current state of mind: A little foggy (it's Monday morning), but excited - I'm meeting my friend's week-old daughter this afternoon and I can't wait.

Describe the current state of the world: I'm not sure you want to get me started on this. Our world is kind of freaking me out these days. Violent, angry, polluted, mismanaged. The only thing that keeps me going some days is watching The Daily Show. If Jon Stewart can still find something to laugh about, then so can I, right?

11/25/07

Quote of the Day

"There is a special place reserved in hell for women who don't help other women." - Madeleine Albright

11/6/07

Old and New and the Bridge Between


As I was brushing my teeth this morning, my mind began to wander. I'm no longer squarely in my mid-twenties, but inching toward thirty. In my mind, college is a breath I just exhaled - but in reality, it's several years in the past. Now I'm at the threshold of a new journey: law school. As I meet the people around me - teachers, peers, mentors - an impression of my new environment begins to form in my mind like a cloud slowly gathering its condensation into a mass. A picture comes together, along with a story, and I start to sketch myself into it. I do this with all the enthusiasm, excitement, thrill, and fear that accompanies any new (ad)venture, and with all the friendship, love, and support that has sustained me and carried me up to this point.

Enough rumination: I began to think about my friends. Specifically, the friends I met in college, my best friends, the ones who shine in my mind as examples of the kinds of people that make this world a wonderful, joyous place to be. And I thought about what thrilling variety they embody: one's a lawyer, one works for Yahoo, one works in community development, one is studying German history and the Holocaust, another is in law school, one is doing microeconomic development projects in Bangladesh, one is a poet, one is in art school, one is a sculptor, another in Turkey, one works at Morgan Stanley, one is in business school, one a journalist in London...all doing things that excite them.

As I move forward to take my place in the world, I feel so lucky to have these people as friends, peers, mentors, confidantes and partners in adventure. They breathe light, laughter, and love into the world every day - an image that warms me every time it's conjured in my mind, even when they are far away.

10/29/07

Turtle

Jennifer Raver is of the most caring, thoughtful, introspective women I know (through my sister) .... I can hardly wait for her new novel to come out. Here is a peek at the prologue.

Small, sleek, silver like a bullet shooting across the green, run Rabbit run as fast as you can through the tall summer grass into the sea of silver birches. The trees’ leaves shimmer green and gold in the setting sun that strikes Rabbit senseless. She darts here first- then there- blind to the path but mindful of the finish line. Round and round Rabbit runs skirting the forest’s edge until the sun descends and dazzles her eyes no more.


Master of her senses again, Rabbit dashes headlong into the forest. She sprints at a speed terrifying to lesser creatures, crushing the earth underfoot or crashing into nature’s larger elements. Her feet are sticky with grass and wild strawberries, her fur matted and torn from tree and shrub but nothing stops her. Nothing slows her. Rabbit has a race to win so run on, my fleet-footed friend!

The forest grows more dark and wild the deeper she goes. A lush canopy of feathery ferns obfuscates the earth’s floor. As rabbit dives into the green expanse, the ferns tickle her nose and brush against her furry cheeks, reminding Rabbit of baser needs. She scampers under the sheltering ferns and bites into a soft frond. It is cool and sweet. Eat your fill then lie down with us, the ferns whisper. For a long minute she is tempted but then her animal spirit cries: Tarry not!

On and on Rabbit runs until the ferns disappear and she enters the dark heart of the forest. She stops, afraid to go farther for the forest has drawn a heavy velvet curtain across the land. She looks heavenward for relief- some stars or the moon may reveal the path- but the trees’ branches blanket the sky with leaves.

She believes that the dark has bested her but her eyes grow friendly with the dark and it reveals a series of tall, broad and timeless trees. Thick tangles of roots separate the trees; the roots pop out of the ground and pulse with life, a bluish-black, slow-moving blood. Even with light, the land cannot support new life for the trees’ ancient roots run deep and long and drink greedily of the earth’s goodness.

Ready to run again, Rabbit surveys the land. She spots something, and hops gingerly over one tangle to get a better look. Age has felled one majestic tree. Shriveled roots extend from the tree’s base like a cat’s paw ready to strike. She carefully hip hops along the trunk as if it were a compass pointing in the right direction. She smells water, wood and dirt then the acrid odor of decay and death invades her nostrils and checks her progress. In the tree’s branches something once living has made its final bed among the brown withered leaves.

Rabbit backs away and turns to run but the cold, damp ground sends a shock- both thrilling and terrifying- through her body. She rears up on her hind legs desperate to run but the darkness locks her in its chilly embrace. The stench of decay and death draw near and threaten to overwhelm her.

She steps outside herself and sees a meagerly proportioned bunny doing a stiff two-step with the air. Ha, a high-pitched squeak escapes through the perpetual smile she wears then her pink-rimmed eyes water and a twinge pierces her furry, white breast. Even if Rabbit wins this race there will be others, and even if she wins every race, she will one day return to join those who have run before her. Rabbit’s front paws smack against the ground and her head lists to one side. Where to, she cries.

Suddenly Rabbit’s ears prick at the sound of a branch snapping. The eternal Song sings, Run, run! She hurdles roots and dodges trees in her flight from the forest’s dark heart. She runs and runs; sprinting so fast her feet do not touch the ground; so fast that it seems she has become one with the air.

The light grows stronger as her haunches carry Rabbit out of the woods into a clearing. Beams from a low-hung moon light a smooth, even ground. The wind brushes her back and tickles Rabbit’s tail. Her animal senses tingle and she runs onward, fleet of foot, stout of heart- a champion running the final lap. Each step brings Rabbit closer to victory, and in her mind’s eye, Rabbit has already crossed over into glory; the sound of the crowd’s roar fills her ears. Victory seems certain until the moon’s rays reveal a bright expanse of water. At first Rabbit thinks it a mirage for she has run a long way without sustenance. Her feet slow then stop. She hops to the pool’s edge and taps the surface with a hind leg. The cold water makes her body shimmy and shake. Rabbit bends her head towards the pool.


The water’s surface plays mirror: oblong ears trimmed in white hair, pink-rimmed eyes with dilated pupils, gray tufted cheeks with long pale whiskers, a pink triangle of a nose and a mouth that always smiles. This is no mirage, she thinks and drinks deeply from the cold, clean water. Refreshed, Rabbit remembers the reason for her thirst. She looks right then left but sees only water. She can run but she cannot swim. What will you do, oh runner of races?

Her senses sing as someone- predator or competitor- approaches. She hops around to face the forest and scans the horizon. Her ears strain for sound; her nose sniffs the ground for the smell of another. Throat parched, she licks her lips and taste metal. Bang bang bang bang the rhythmic beat fills Rabbit’s ears and blood rushes to her temples. He comes! Run, run!
Rabbit’s mind races but her feet remain still…or do they? She looks over her shoulder to see her right hindquarter hammering away at the earth. Her foot slows and she sighs, able to breath at last, but the rush of oxygen to her brain makes her giddy. Unbalanced, she staggers backwards and falls into the shining pool.

Down, down into the deep water Rabbit dances, torso twisting and limbs kicking. The current carries her deeper still and water fills every orifice. Her lungs burn and head pounds with red impotent rage at the heavy, cumbersome and slow being she has become. As she watches her last breath bubble to the surface, a calm replaces the rage. Rabbit thought she’d return to the dark heart of the forest to die but death visits her instead, releasing Rabbit from her physical form.

Heaven here I come! Rabbit’s spirit navigates the once treacherous current with a speed and agility that her body lacked. Lighter, nimbler and faster, her spirit glides towards the light, rushing higher and higher, parting the water with ease and assurance. Rabbit’s spirit breaks through the surface to join with the radiant, all-powerful light.

Daylight strokes its warm fingers across her back, ushering Rabbit once again into the physical world. I’m alive! I’ve not died! She raises her head still heavy with sleep to see the risen sun. She has dreamt a strange dream- a nightmare that somehow ended well.
Suddenly Rabbit sees something. It’s him! It’s my competitor! Bulging black eyes covered by thin eyelids, a boxed-in nose, no mouth to speak of, a skinny neck, and a hard, wide shell too large for its extremities. It’s a reptile; order Chelonia; family Emydidae. Ha, her squeak is low and muffled, It’s a turtle! More precisely, it’s a painted turtle.

He fixes his bulging black eyes on Rabbit then both Rabbit and Turtle crane their necks to get a better look at each other. Bold Turtle, she thinks then her nose touches water and he becomes a wave. Rabbit is frightened to be so near the water again. Her head snaps back and darkness envelops her. Where am I, she wonders. It seems to be a kind of cave, one that is dark and unknown but somehow familiar and safe. She sees nothing but senses that her legs are nearby. For a moment she wonders if she’s gone mad then a thought occurs.

She ventures forth from the darkness, trying to hop but too heavy to do so. She doesn’t hear or smell so well but she can still see, and waddles towards the pond. She looks into the pool and finds Turtle staring back at her. She takes two steps back then two forward; Turtle disappears and reappears. A horrible thought fills her head: I am the turtle. She stares at her reflection then big watery turtle tears begin to fall.

When she finally sheds her last tear, she creeps to the pond’s edge to take inventory of her new self. She is short, squat and low to the ground with a tough, round shell and a soft underbelly. Her senses of smell and hearing no longer sing but she sees just fine. She cannot run or hop; at best she manages a brisk waddle walk. Yes, travel on land is laborious but then she remembers: I can swim. She waddle walks to the bank and this time, she enters headfirst, eyes open.
Those watching see a small, brightly painted turtle making short but steady strokes through the pool, water fanning out behind her like the lower-case v of a young child.

10/23/07

Equality without Protest: Reviving Political Engagement


There are a significant number of women who are reluctant to identify with feminism.

Nevertheless, they consider themselves equal to men and expect to be treated as the equals of men. The extent of this ‘proto’-feminist consciousness — an awareness of the inequality of women and a determination to resist it at an individual level — is a definitive accomplishment of the women’s movement. But the rupture between feminist consciousness and the movement from which it emerged is something of a conundrum.

Perhaps it is an inevitable fissure. Take for example the women’s enfranchisment movement. Recently, my mother-in-law, upon learning the subject matter of the book I was reading — Kumari Jayawardena’s Casting Pearls — was flabbergasted when she heard that at some point in history women did not have the right to vote. How many women today, young or old, identify with the women’s struggle for the vote in the early 20th century? Nevertheless, women today understand the power an individual vote has in determining the future of our country; and, I would imagine, be outraged if the State decides, say on the grounds of family cohesion, to introduce legislation allowing only male heads of household the right to vote. One could argue that this unquestioning acceptance of political rights as being fundamental to citizenship, this shift from a demand to the idea of an entitlement, signals the success of the suffrage movement.

Let’s take what I would like to call the 'proto-feminists' in the corporate sector: smart, savvy women who have excelled academically and who now hold management positions. They would not tolerate without protest any notion that men are smarter than them. They know that’s not true. They’ve outperformed them in the classroom, more often than not. These women certainly would not accept being paid less than their male counterparts either. She thinks, perhaps unconsciously, that as long as her contribution to the organization is recognized and she is equally rewarded for her hard work that there is gender equality.

Even in the home, these women would not accept, without protest, the gender division of labour—that they should do all the cooking, cleaning, ironing and child care without assistance from their husbands. Take for example my friend Iromie—mother of two, running her own small garment business who actively negotiates on an everyday basis how she and her husband share child-care and house-work responsibilities. Or Cristina, who actively protests stereotypical images of female beauty by refusing to wear makeup and ‘feminine’ clothes despite the many hints from her family. Iromie would be shocked if I tell her she’s drawing from a feminist consciousness, and Cristina cannot see any parallels between the choices she makes and feminism.

One danger posed by the expanding rift between feminism as a movement and this (proto) feminist consciousness is that feminist consciousness is losing its radical edge, argues Barbara Epstein, a professor at the University of California Santa Cruz, in her article “Feminist Consciousness after the Women’s Movement.” This has happened, she says, in the professional fields where feminism has tended to absorb the obsession with individual success that prevails in that arena. Rhonda Garelick, an associate professor at Connecticut College, writing in the New York Times, reflects on the lack of political engagement in the contemporary classroom about women’s rights and cultural politics. “Although virtually all of my female students expect to pursue careers, this is where their enlightenment seems to end. For them, the reassuring power of a college degree to unlock professional doors seems to have rendered ‘feminism’ obsolete. In other words, the fires of feminism may have burned down to the ashes of careerism.”

Let’s take an example of a young woman working for an international NGO. Having chosen to work on women’s livelihoods, she’s now preoccupied with writing countless reports and attending meetings. Because gender equality is part of the organizational philosophy, if not one of its explicit objectives, she may not think that there is any need to have a feminist awareness, and certainly does not identify herself as a feminist. (Perhaps, she’s even embarrassed by the label because of its associations with angry, humourless women with scant regard for personal appearance.) This lack of a feminist consciousness means a lack of political questioning of the work she does. So, she may not find it problematic at all to ‘work’ towards women’s ‘empowerment’ by setting up beauty culture and sewing classes.

Young women today are more self-confident, are climbing the corporate ladders, and are not afraid to speak their mind, for the most part. However, they are like the present day environmentally conscious people Epstein describes, who take action on environmental issues largely in individual ways - such as in their shopping habits and in recycling - but bear no resemblance to the activists who engaged in radical political activity. To some degree, this expansion of ‘consciousness’ beyond the borders of the movement in which it first emerged, as Epstein argues, shows the lasting influence of those movements. But as she says, it also has to do with what appears to be the decline of political and protest movements.

But, wait! Protest cannot become irrelevant or old-fashioned because the struggle is by no means over. Personal success is not equality. What about domestic violence? What about equality before the law with regard to land and property rights? What about women continuing to be regarded as wives and mothers and not valued for who they are? And what about being classified with children and the disabled—in our Constitution no less! What about the barrage of gender stereotypes and sexist imagery that is spewed at us in the name of advertising? Why do women continue to be told how to behave, how to dress, and what to look like? Why do we accept without protest the misogynist commentary of our radio DJs during morning shows?

A feminist consciousness is a consciousness that is not complacent—it is forever analysing and always critiquing.

What about sexual harassment? Otherwise strong, independent women continue to tolerate it in the workplace because of fear. Fear to tip the precarious balance of equality because it would prove that women really are not up to the task of serious work if they’re going to cry every time the boss makes a sexual innuendo. Fear that one would lose one’s popularity with the boys and perhaps even other women. Fear that one would be labelled a ‘feminist’, i.e., a ‘prude’ with no sense of humour.

A (proto) feminist consciousness is inadequate to the challenge.
Asha Abeyasekera-Van Dort (MHC '98) is a native of Sri Lanka.

10/4/07

Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women




















by Dr. Christine B. Whelan

Conventional wisdom - and more than a few hysterical headlines - would have us believe that the odds are stacked against smart, high-achieving women when it comes to marriage. Men don't want to marry women who are ambitious in their careers, the naysayers declare. Or women who make as much, or more, money as they do. Once a successful woman hits 30, her chances of finding a husband are limited, if not dire.

Nothing could be further from the truth! My new book, Why Men Marry Smart Women, explodes the ongoing myths about high-achieving women and marriage. The good news is backed by solid statistics from U.S. Census data, a Harris Interactive survey commissioned specifically for this book, and more than 100 interviews with high-achieving women and men in nine cities nationwide.

This groundbreaking new study corrects the bad-news lies widely perpetuated on television talk shows and in the pages of bedrock publications such as Newsweek and Forbes.com and shatters widespread myths:

Myth: Men want to marry subordinate women.Reality: 90% of high-achieving men want a woman who is as or more intelligent than they are. And more than 80% of high-achieving men said they want a woman who is as or more accomplished and educated than they areMyth: Successful career women aren't good mothers.

Reality: 68% of high-achieving men agree with the statement: "Smart women make better mothers." And two-thirds of high-achieving men said they believed a woman could be just as good of a mother if she worked outside the home.

Why Men Marry Smart Women is packed with personal stories and advice for smart, ambitious women who are worried that their career success is holding them back in their quest for love and happiness. Among the advice:

* Stop perpetuating the myth that men are intimidated by smart women. There's a high cost to the conventional wisdom that accomplished women don't get married - and it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy for you if you have a bad attitude toward dating.

* Don't downplay your career or educational success. One-third of the high-achieving women are hesitant to tell a man about their job or their educational background for fear it will intimidate him. But 71% of men say a woman's career or educational success makes her more desirable as a wife, so be proud of your accomplishments.

It's all about having the right attitude: For more information, visit http://www.whysmartmenmarrysmartwomen.com/ and buy your copy today!

10/1/07

Womanhood – A State Of Being


I am a ‘woman’, and I am proud to be one – are you? Maybe not. Know why? Because ever since you were a little girl it was drummed into you that a ‘woman’ is any overweight female with about three kids and facing a midlife crisis. Wrong. That is far from being a woman.

Ever gone to a party and heard ripples of laughter and girlish giggles when a grownup man enters and says "hey girls?" Compare that to the response you would get to "hello ladies" or worse – "ah women.". Nope not even a smile to that last remark. Ever wondered why?

I’ll tell you why. The word ‘woman’ is associated with so many negativities that no female wants to be called a woman. Shame isn’t it? Draw a mental picture of a ‘woman’ in your mind. Now let me rip that apart. Because a ‘woman’ is far from what has been portrayed and the general connotations people associate with ‘womanhood’.

Misconception 1: Womanhood does not come with age. It is an attitude, a state of being. Womanhood is not a physical state, but rather a stage of mental maturity and emotional intelligence. It is maturity not only of action, but thought and emotion. Perhaps that’s why it is usually misinterpreted with age. But a 20 year old female can also reach womanhood.

'Womanhood' is the most beautiful, fulfilling yet challenging experience any female can have in her lifetime – if she ever reaches that level of competence and security within herself. To be able to look the world in the eye and say I will, I can, I am and I accept myself for not having the physical strength of a man – but emotions as firm as boulders, a mind as intelligent as can be and a will strong enough to move the world. To not only accept herself as the physically petite sex, which was not made to do certain tasks but still be able to make decisions which can change the world. A woman knows that she has to and is capable of running a house, rearing children, and being extremely competitive at work. Women are the only beings who can juggle so many tasks and still not lose their feminine touch.

Ah ‘feminine’ – does not mean stilettos, a perfect figure, manicured nails and picture perfect looks. Feminine is a feeling. Within your heart you must know that you are the most beautiful creature God ever created. That even ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ and the most beautiful adornment of heaven is also – a ‘woman’!

Womanhood comes only from the test of times, and signifies strength paired with delicateness. A woman is graceful not in her physical attributes, but in her manner, her poise, her actions. She can compete at the highest levels of intelligence and still not be classified only in one box. Any female who comes even near the feeling, the always vibrating emotion of womanhood in her existence - like being in love – can conquer the world any day, and will love to be called that which she is – not a girl, not a baby, not a lady, not a little lady – but just a woman – and oh – that is so hard to be!
Afreina Noor
Pakistan

9/23/07

I get up every morning to enjoy the people I love. Yes I want to contribute to society, change something in the world, understand my place in the world -- but these are abstractions that shape the undercurrents in my life. But that feeling of I must support, be with, learn from, and give and receive joy to those who are important to me is very tangible. It's what I breathe.

I don’t know that I can tell my story in 400 words. I was born in Chennai, India. I lived in Tennessee, Florida, Massachusetts, New York, Missouri and, now, Philadelphia. I studied English and journalism and I’m working for the University of Pennsylvania as a writer. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and still miss him when I go to work. These are about .1% of the details that have gone into making me who I am. But who is that? That’s the real story, and that’s the one I’m making up as I go along. When I was 21, I could tell you what my life meant. As I’ve gotten smarter, I can’t anymore. This brings me back to the tangibles, the people whom I love. That’s something I don’t have to make up – proof that my life is real.

The obstacles I’ve faced have primarily been of my own construction. The biggest obstacle one is my tendency to deconstruct my accomplishments so that I can no longer see how they add to my story.

This may have begun during my childhood, which was happy, but gave me many opportunities to ask too many questions. When you’re an immigrant, when you move around a lot, when you read a lot of books, when your parents encourage you to think for yourself and won’t buy you expensive sneakers, you learn very early in life to not accept the stories people tell you. This is good, because the only people who make society go forward are those who question and voice their questions loudly. But sometimes it’s bad because you even learn to be critical of the stories you tell to convince yourself that the things you do mean anything.

This brings me to my experience in the field, which, you may not be surprised to learn, involves writing stories. I interview people and then cobble their answers together to present a meaningful package to readers. My job is to write, but really it’s to listen to other people. It’s great because pretty much every day I learn how someone else makes meaning of their lives and those perspectives help me figure out how I want to lead my own. And I have to listen really carefully, because if I don’t I basically end up writing a lie, and a misrepresentation of life, even a perfectly grammatical one, does great damage to everyone.

My advice, even though I don’t like giving advice, is to women in business, but also to everyone in everything – listen and question. That’s the only way to do the difficult job of figuring out what things really mean, and it’s the only way to begin making your life mean something real.

Finally, the best advice I’ve ever gotten is from Michael Scott, lead protagonist of the American version of The Office. He says, “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing.”

Priya Ratneshwar (MHC '98)

9/18/07

The European Problem













How American Muslims could become as alienated as European Muslims.

The two terrorist attacks known worldwide by their dates—9/11 and 7/7—inspired suspicion of Muslims in communities in both Europe and America. But each one also symbolizes the different relations each continent has with their Muslim populations. On 9/11, America was attacked by Muslims who came here solely for the purpose of attacking it. On 7/7, London was bombed by British Muslims who were products of their own society. What lessons Europe and America each draw from this will determine the future of their Muslims and their national identity.

The Muslim communities of North America and Europe are often compared, with the conclusion that American Muslims are better integrated, less likely to be radicalized than their European counterparts. But as the war on terror proceeds, racial profiling, the lack of direct communication between Muslims and the government, and the use of paid confidential informants to monitor the Muslim community are all causing an increasing rift between American society and Muslims. In the end, these issues could undo the integration that American Muslims have previously achieved and create the same marginalization and exclusion from society facing European Muslims. This alienation became painfully evident two years ago, when the suburbs of Paris were burning in protest after two French Muslim youths were killed trying to run away from police. The barrier of suspicion made it virtually impossible for French authorities to quell the violence. In response, European countries have been busy trying to create "moderate" Muslim organizations for them to interface with. But these organizations carry very little legitimacy among the Muslim communities they supposedly represent. America is fortunate enough to have a strong civil society from which indigenous Muslim organizations are already emerging. But the strained relations that helped cause the French riots could be developing in the United States if America is not careful to avoid Europe's missteps.

The color-coding of our threat level has not been very good at telling us how to deal with or prevent the actual threats. What has been shown to fight terrorism is local police working with local communities. In last year's Toledo, Ohio, terror plot, where three men were accused of building bombs to aid the insurgency in Iraq, the Muslim community was credited by the local FBI office with stepping forward to support the terror investigation. But these community/law-enforcement relations are strained, particularly because of the increased use of informants—one of the causes of greater alienation of European Muslims. Europe has a longer history of using informants as a surveillance tool in its Muslim populations.

But there is little evidence that this technique works. The case of Shahawar Siraj Matin illustrates the potential problem of using informants. He came with his family to the United States from Pakistan while in his teens. He worked in his uncle's Islamic bookstore in Brooklyn, where he began to speak out about his views on Palestine, the Iraq war, and America's role in the world. Matin was 21 when he was arrested during the 2004 Republican National Convention in New York for plotting to blow up the Herald Square subway station. During his trial, conversations taped by the government informant showed the informant egging him on, saying that the "Brothers"—a fictional terrorist cell created by the NYPD—were counting on him planting the bomb, while Matin is heard saying that he had to go home and ask his mother whether he could do it. This "mama's boy terrorist" had only a high-school education.

In February 2003, the U.S. District Court had granted the NYPD's request to modify the Handshu Agreement, which put limits on police surveillance, to allow, among other things, sending police informants into religious institutions, which is already common practice in Europe. This has had a profound impact on Muslims by substantially increasing domestic surveillance of mosques in America. The 2006 conviction of Matin may have been its first public result. Many Muslims felt that Matin's comments against U.S. foreign policy were being used to paint him as a potential terrorist and that a paid government informant who was decades older than him was pressuring him to plant a bomb in the subway station. The conclusion was that Muslims could not afford to voice their political beliefs.

Historically, the American Muslim immigrant population falls into a higher socioeconomic background than their European counterparts. But like Matin, the next generation of diversity visa winners and others are more similar to European Muslim immigrants. And many of the recent U.S. "terror plots" involve immigrants similar to European ones. While there might not be actual radicalization in the American Muslim community, there is a danger of increasing frustration leading to alienation. In June 2005, Hamid Hayat, a 23-year-old Pakistani-American farmhand with a sixth-grade education, was charged with attending an al-Qaida training camp in Pakistan and being a part of a terror cell in Lodi, Calif. Later that year, Tashnuba Hayder, a 16-year-old Bangladeshi girl who grew up in Queens, N.Y., was accused of being a suicide bomber—though she was ultimately only charged with immigration violations and deported. To the Muslim American community, these cases represented a witch hunt against young Muslims who were being targeted for their interest in Islam and who had limited education or socioeconomic means. They certainly did not demonstrate proof of "homegrown terrorism." Rather, they were symbols of the disenfranchisement or disillusionment of these young Muslims from the mainstream society. Hayder herself illustrated this tension when she told the New York Times, "The F.B.I. tried to say I didn't have a life—like, I wasn't the typical teenager." While the vast majority of Muslim youth are wondering how they can be civically minded Muslim Americans, the government seems to be stuck on the theme of the radicalization of Muslim American youth. Perhaps they have received too much training in Europe.

European Muslims and American Muslims have not had much in common until now, but if we unreflectively adopt the European view of Muslims as the perpetual "other," we risk making this true. "Equality not integration" is the rallying cry of European Muslims. Ours is "due process." Some of our worst laws were passed and later regretted at times of reaction against ethnic communities, from the Palmer Raids of 1919 to today's Patriot Act. In a land founded by immigrants and the rule of law, our nation's strength lies in its resilience; our way of life depends on equal opportunity. Europe and European Muslims are suffering from the inability to bring Muslims into the economic and political mainstream. Will America turn its back on its rich heritage of celebrating diversity? Will we start to see Muslims as a "law and order" problem as Europe does, rather than as the next wave of dream-seekers?
Moushumi Khan graduated from Mount Holyoke College and received a J.D. from Michigan Law School.

9/17/07

On Doing What You Love














The best advice I’ve ever received is to follow your passion. It basically means: do what you love. I know the second part of that sentence is that the money will follow – but trust me, sometimes the money doesn’t really matter if you are doing what you love.I was born in India, and raised in Crown Point, Indiana. I would say my defining characteristics are my ability to laugh at myself, poke fun at others, and my love of reading.


Reading defined my existence. It probably defined my personality than anything else in my life. I learned about different worlds, foreign cultures, and most important, reading allowed me to find out who I was and what I really wanted....And what I wanted was to read. I read anything and everything. Work was anything that wasn’t reading. In college, I chatted with one of my friends, an English major (who could make money doing that??) and she mentioned an internship as an editor in a publishing house.

I was pre-med at the time, and basically flunking organic chemistry. I realized that this was the job for me—it was perfect. I could read, talk to authors, read, edit books, and read some more. I could talk about books all day long with no one to stop me!I graduated in 1999 and accepted a job at HarperCollins Publishers. There, I lived in a very shady area of Jersey City (rent was $300 a month) and my starting salary was $22K. I loved it.

Now, I’m a full editor. It’s taken me a few years and the salary is higher, but it’s a job that I can’t imagine leaving. I don’t doubt for a moment that for me this is the job I needed – and I can’t imagine that I was once set to go pre-med.When you are doing what you love, you are happy. Happiness to me breeds serenity. And if you have the passion for whatever it is, be it a plumber, an editor, or whatever, you’ll be successful. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not in the same terms you thought you would be when you started, but the work becomes its own reward. In doing whatever it is that you know you’re good at, the work is no longer work. It transcends work and becomes something else. It becomes passion.And don’t worry...I’m still waiting for the money.

Devi Pillai graduated from Mount Holyoke College in 2000.

9/6/07

Remove the Ring?

This article appeared in the Wall Street Journal back in February, but I just came across it on another great website, Ms. JD. Although I've never encountered this issue before, I have to say that I - sadly - wasn't surprised to read of this woman's concern. What do you think women should do? Has anyone experienced this dilemma firsthand?

Wall Street Journal, February 27, 2007, 10:50 am

When You Land the Job Interview, Should the Ring Come Off?

Posted by Sara Schaefer Muñoz

Should women applying for jobs take off their engagement or wedding rings?

When we posted about a study that showed employers still screen résumés for mommy status, some Juggle posters said they’d think twice about making a reference to their children in their CVs, and they’d consider slipping off the wedding ring, as well.

I was shocked — until I remembered I had done the same thing with my engagement ring. Several years ago, during my engagement to my husband, I applied to the Journal. On the way to the bureau where I had my interview — in the midst of checking my résumé over dozens of times for typos — I weighed whether or not to remove my ring. On the one hand, I felt ridiculous for even considering it — thinking that in this day and age it shouldn’t matter. On the other hand, I really wanted that job. I had no idea about the office culture and I didn’t want anyone making assumptions — however unreasonable — about my commitment to the position. Before getting on the elevator, I slipped the ring into my pocket.

I can say now I’m sure it wouldn’t have mattered. It turned out that many in the office were married with kids. They sold Girl Scout cookies and discussed Halloween costumes. Editors oohed and aahed over my wedding photos and, later, regaled me with parenting books and name suggestions when I was pregnant. Looking back, I felt that the ring-removal had been absurd.

But the recent comments suggest I wasn’t alone in my concerns. Has any other woman — or man! — considered this? Have you known some employers to flinch when they see a wedding or engagement ring? Or was your decision based upon your own — possibly unfounded — concerns?

9/3/07

Wordplay



H
O how we hanky panky harum
scarum in our happy home, dancing hootchy
kootchy. Sure, it makes for hugger mugger
but we give a hoot for happenstance.
The yard is full o' hound and hares; the door
adorned by hammer and sickle; in the closets, hand-
me-downs. If Hammurabi and his Queen come
by, we won't be hoity-toity, we'll
offer haggis or humble pie. Our bed
floats on hocus-pocus (our corpore
wholly habeas) and the kitchen hums
a hymn, Hail to Higgledy-Piggledly.
If the world can't call our hurly burly hunky
dory, let it hara-kiri if it dares.

- NATASHA SAJÉ

9/2/07

Word of the week: gumption!

I absolutely love the word "gumption" and know so many splendid, courageous women who embody this particular quality, and lead their lives boldly. I looked up the exact meaning on dictionary.com, since I was throwing the word around on a daily basis, and today I'd like to share it with you.

gump·tion / [guhmp-shuhn]
1. courage; spunk; guts: It takes gumption to quit a high-paying job.
2. initiative; aggressiveness; resourcefulness.
3. common sense; shrewdness.
[Origin: 1710–20; orig. Scots] —Related forms gump·tion·less, adjective; gumptious, adjective.

Send us some more words that you use to describe your friends, role models, mentors, and teachers!

8/28/07

Note to Self: Need More Diplomacy



The personal lives of "rights-conscious" women are often inextricable from our professional and academic lives. We tend to infuse everyday acts with resistance. One friend of mine refuses to learn how to cook because women are expected to know how to cook. Many of my friends hesitate in the face of acts of modern chivalry. My skin crawls everytime I see an ad on TV where a woman is cooking, cleaning or rushing to get a meal on the table. Such banal acts of resistance, which often take on a life and will of their own, can be exhausting because we are never able to let our guard down. We are constantly under seige, if not by external agents then by our own calculations of justice. Our defensive offensiveness also means that we sometimes fail to take advantage of certain situations to foster greater dialogue and understanding between the sexes.

I have often accused generally well-meaning people of sexism and created situations that have yielded less than optimal results. Once, an older relative complimented me on my sense of direction, saying, "Women don't usually have such good sense of direction." I immediately told him such skills vary from person to person and that we should avoid making gender-wide generalizations. The problem is that I wasn't able to deliver my response in a calm and collected manner. Instead, I raised my voice and probably precluded the possibility of any further discussion. My knee-jerk reaction was to associate him with practitioners of centuries-old patriarchy and condemn his statement. If my goal was to make him critically re-evaluate his statement, the fierce emotion in my voice counterproductively deflected attention away from the substance of my response.

Harvey Mansfield's book, Manliness, has achieved notoriety to charicaturial proportions. His book does, however, remind women's rights activists, feminists and would-be feminists that we do need to address how our decisions and our struggles affect the men in our lives, be they friends, co-workers, or family members. It seems that we often feel alone in our struggles with opponents both real and mythical and forget to forge alliances that may be of great benefit to our own struggles.

While this is often because we are up against robust patriarchy, it may also be because we have alienated well-meaning people who could have been our partners in struggle. The benefits of gender equality to men are often less tangible than those to women. It is difficult for a husband to continue to support the struggle for gender equality if he is continuously accused of not doing enough by his wife on the one hand and ridiculed for being hen-pecked by his male friends on the other. Why should a man choose to give up privileges that most societies still bring him up to expect and value? There are many answers to this question, but clearly they have yet to persuade many human beings. Women are not the only victims of patriarchy. Men who support gender equality at the theoretical level can also become its victims when they try to implement it in their own lives. As women, we need more partners, not fewer, and empathetic diplomacy, not ferocity, seems to be the way to go.
Sarah Shehabuddin (Mount Holyoke College '02) is currently pursuing her Ph.D. at Harvard University.

8/17/07

Notes from Sarajevo


Alison Morse , Mount Holyoke College '02, is a graduate student at the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University, where she is focusing on development economics and issues affecting refugees and displaced persons, particularly women. This summer, she is working with BOSFAM (BOSnian FAMily), a non-governmental organization that supports Bosnian women who were displaced by war by providing them with income-generating handicraft products. Alison, who is keeping a blog about her experiences, originally contributed this article to I-Witness.

Sarajevo is a city on the mend. New construction, chic European stores and all the ice cream one could ever eat make for a happy façade to this city that saw over 1400 days of conflict just a decade ago. I arrived in Sarajevo to hours of honking in celebration of a football win over Turkey. I was immediately brought back to the 2004 Red Sox World Series win when the streets filled with happy revelers and cars honked until dawn. The mood in Sarajevo on the night of my arrival demonstrated the life of a city that has celebrated every small victory in an effort to move beyond its not-so-distant tragedies.

The remnants of war are of course still present in the city. Many buildings remain gutted and covered with tarps. There is a general darkness to parts of the old town that can only be attributed to the drabness of Tito’s era. Craters in rooftops, windows without panes, and wires dangling from buildings are not uncommon once one leaves the main tourist drag. Transportation, though excellent and inexpensive, is the most obvious remnant of international aid. UNHCR buses that have not been upgraded in ten years are packed each morning with school children –worn tire treads carry sagging frames that are filled to capacity. The tram cars vary between those with German slogans and those marked with Japanese flags, both donations to the post-war reconstruction effort.

As every guide book will tell you, Sarajevo has a rich history –it is in fact the proverbial “crossroads of civilizations.” The sights and sounds of Sarajevo prove that the city remains a bastion of both religious tolerance and mingling cultures—the Muslim call to prayer is followed by the clanging of church bells around the city. Nuns travel in tight packs followed by bands of teenagers in tight jeans talking on cell phones. The main promenade gives way to the cobblestone streets of the old town where men and women sit outside shops hawking their wares. Fine French fashion is sold just doors away from display cases of Turkish delights.
It is from here, this city on the mend, that I will make my way to Tuzla, the third largest city in BiH and largest coal producer, to begin my summer internship. I will be working with a small non-profit that assists refugee women build sustainable livelihoods through handicrafts…so if nothing else, I will have an enormous supply of wool socks and hats to ward off the cold winters in Boston.

8/8/07

As We Are





As We Are is a new magazine for women. Read about issues and ideas that support the belief that you are good enough as you are right now - and let us know what you think! In my mind, we can always use more female-positive outlets like this to showcase the endless stream of fascinating women that are doing really inspiring things. Cheers!

8/5/07

I WANT MORE!


A friend of mine sent this to me in Portuguese and I will translate it for you. When I read it, I felt it. I felt it in the gut and I knew that if I did not let myself feel it now, then I would certainly feel it tomorrow. I said to myself "I will feel this way", and then I did, I just did. It is puzzling, and at the same time, I'm free.I want more. I-W-A-N-T-M-O-R-E.


She wrote, "It's full of bargains out there, there is always somebody offering less in exchange for conformism. If you accept now, don't complain later; saying that it's not enough, blaming the world and being sour. Accept, desperately convincing yourself that if it wasn't for this, it would be nothing; that it's better to have something you can touch than the illusion of a tired mind. Accept with resignation, which is beautiful to see, and sad to feel.But if you are strong, if you have courage or if you lack common sense, say no, say you want more."


"NO, THANK YOU, I WANT MORE".


Your voice might shake, with a touch of uncertainty, like the voice of things that make no sense, like the voice of the unrecoverable. Then your eyes might even fill up with tears - but do not be afraid. The worst has passed and you have absolved yourself, and even if you end up naked, with nothing, at least in this one instance of refusal, you have given yourself the love that most will never even dream of receiving in this life. The love of those who believe themselves to be worthy of their dreams.


Patricia Davanzzo just completed her MBA degree at Stanford University, and is going to rule the film industry some day.

7/31/07

Women We Love #3: Suzan-Lori Parks

Since Huma and I both went to Mount Holyoke, we have a special place in our heart reserved for students and alumnae of our alma mater as well as students and alumnae of other womens' colleges. The sisterhood exists, and it's powerful. Even if you didn't get to go to a womens' college, or if you are (or were) a guy, there is much wisdom, love, and humor in the commencement speech given by Suzan-Lori Parks to the graduating class of 2001, so I'm reposting it here. I really think that her advice is worth taking to heart and possibly even tacking it up somewhere you're likely to encounter it frequently. I used this as the inspiration for the "encouraging banner" I submitted to the fabulous interactive community art project Learning to Love You More, which you should check out if you haven't already. Here goes:

COMMENCEMENT SPEECH TO THE MOUNT HOLYOKE COLLEGE CLASS OF 2001
Held on May 27, 2001

Thank you, Graduating Class of 2001, Fellow Honorary Degree Recipients, Distinguished Administration and Faculty, Alumnae, Parents, Family and Friends, thank you all so much for inviting me to speak with you today. I graduated from Mount Holyoke in 1985. Here I am 16 years later. The learned faculty is seated there behind me, and so, before I get into the swing of things, I want to state that any grammatical errors, historical fabrications and inappropriate flights of fancy contained within the following speech are the sole responsibility of the Commencement Speaker and, if found objectionable, should in no way be viewed as an example of the caliber of education one would receive at Mount Holyoke College.

It is commencement and you all are commencing—you are beginning. Today is yr birthday. Its a sort of birthday for me too: this is my first honorary degree. Yr sitting there looking forward into me and Im standing here looking forward into you. I'll be yr mirror for a few minutes, if you'll be mine. All of us together, we are commencing. It is the beginning of things, its also the end of things and Ive brought along 16 SUGGESTIONS which may be of use—as you walk through the rest of yr lives.

Suggestions and Advice are funny things. In 1982 I took a creative writing class with James Baldwin. He suggested to me that I try playwrighting and I tried playwrighting and here I am today. That was some good advice. But it wasn't the best advice I ever got. The BEST advice I ever got was also the WORST advice any one ever gave me. In high school I had a very stern English teacher and one gloomy day she summoned me into her gloomy office. She knew I loved English and that I wanted to study literature and perhaps someday become a writer—"Don't study English," she said, "you haven't got the talent for it." What a horrible thing to say. What an excellent suggestion. It was an excellent suggestion because it forced me to think for myself. And that's my first suggestion for you.

SUGGESTION #1: CULTIVATE THE ABILITY TO THINK FOR YRSELF. When someone gives you advice, you lay their advice along side yr own thoughts and feelings, and if what they suggest jives with what you've got going on inside, then you follow their suggestion. ON THE OTHER HAND—there are lots of people out there who will suggest all kinds of stupid stuff for you to incorporate into your life. There are lots of people who will encourage you to stray from your hearts desire. Go ahead and let them speak their piece, and you may even want to give them a little smile depending on your mood, but if what they suggest does not jive with the thoughts and feelings that are already alive and growing beautifully inside you, then don't follow their suggestion. THINK for yrself, LISTEN to yr heart, TUNE IN to yr gut. These are just the things for which Mount Holyoke has educated you. You've all received an excellent education here and education, excellent education, is just a kind of ear training. That's all it really is—Inner Ear Training.

SUGGESTION #2: EMBRACE DISCIPLINE. Give yrself the opportunity to discover that discipline is just an extension of the love you have for yrself—discipline is not, as a lot of people think, some horrid exacting torturous self flagellating activity—Discipline is just an expression of Love—like the Disciples—they didn't follow Christ because they HAD TO.

SUGGESTION #3: PRACTICE PATIENCE. Whether you sit around like I do, working for that perfect word, or yr working toward a dream job, or wishing for a dreamy sweetheart. Things will come to you when yr ready to handle them—not before. Just keep walking yr road.

SUGGESTION #4; And as you walk yr road, as you live yr life, RELISH THE ROAD. And relish the fact that the road of yr life will probably be a windy road. Something like—the yellow brick road in the WIZARD OF OZ. You see the glory of OZ up ahead—but there are lots of twists and turns along the way—lots of tin men, lots of green women.

SUGGESTION #5: DEVELOP THE ART OF MAKING A SILK PURSE FROM A SOW'S EAR. Cause, you know, it aint whatcha got, it's how you work it.

SUGGESTION #6: For every 30 min of tv you watch, READ one poem outloud. For every work of literature you read, spend at least 30min in the mall, or in a mall equivalent such as Wal-Mart. This is cross-fertilization—a now-age form of crop rotation—a way to cross train yr spirit and keep interested in everything and not get too stuck in yr ways. Speaking of yr ways and yr way:

SUGGESTION #7: GET OUT OF YOUR WAY. You can spend yr life tripping on yrself, you can also spend yr life tripping yrself up. Get out of yr own way. Yr young, brilliant, and today is yr birthday. Yve got yr whole lives ahead of you and each of you will spend yr life doing some hing, or maybe a host of things. Don't just spend your life. SPLURGE

SUGGESTION #8: SPLURGE YR LIFE BY DOING SOMETHING YOU LOVE. My husband Paul is a musician. He says that the concept of talent is overrated because "talent" is really the gift of love. "Talent" happens when yr in love with something and you devote yr life to it and its yr love of it that makes you want to keep doing it, its yr love of it which helps you overcome the obstacles along the way, and its yr love of it that begets a talent for it.

SUGGESTIONS #9, 10, 11, 12, & 13: Eat Yr Vegetables, Floss Yr Teeth, Try Meditation, Get Some Exercise, & SHARPEN YR 7 SENSES: the basic 5 Senses + the 6th Sense: ESP & the 7th Sense which is yr sense of HUMOR. 16 years ago I sat where one of you is sitting now. The class of 1985 was graduating. And we were lucky as we had a great poet speaking to us. She was a great writer and an MHC alum. She was pretty and poised and she had such grace—so much grace that I sat there looking at her thinking that she looked more as if she had gone to Smith. Anyway it was sunny and we were all in black probably sweating a little and she spoke brilliantly and eloquently and to this day I have absolutely no memory of what she said. I don't remember one word of her brilliant commencement address - the address that launched the class of 1985. Not one word. I want you to catch my drift. I'm not saying our speaker was boring. I'm saying that I don't remember what she said. But I do remember some words that went through my head at the very moment our speakers words were passing by. It was a voice, coming from my gut, a voice coming from my heart and the voice said: "Ah, Suzan-Lori Parks, the next degree youre going to receive is an honorary degree from MHC." Yep I really said that to myself. And here I am today.

SUGGESTION #14: SAY "THANK YOU" at least once a week.

SUGGESTION #15: LOVE YRSELF. Why not.
16 years from now who will remember
these words? Maybe no one. But maybe someone will. Maybe, from back in 1985, there is a classmate of mine who, to this day, remembers every word of our commencement address and this classmate repeats those words and they lighthouse her stormy days, maybe. Or if not a classmate remembering then maybe an alum if not an alum maybe a family member, maybe a parent, up there, gathered in the background having given so much, helping you get to this special day. Whether my words today will be remembered is not the issue because, you see, what Im saying to you right now isnt as important as what you are saying, right now, to yrselves.

SUGGESTION #16: BE BOLD. ENVISION YRSELF LIVING A LIFE THAT YOU LOVE. Believe, even if you can only muster yr faith for just this moment, believe that the sort of life you wish to live is, at this very moment, just waiting for you to summon it up. And when you wish for it, you begin moving toward it, and it, in turn, begins moving toward you.
As the great writer James Baldwin said: "Yr crown has been bought and paid for. All you have to do is put it on yr head."

THANK YOU

7/30/07

The Power of the Red Pumps

Every woman should own a pair of red pumps! I was recently introduced to these magical creatures a few weeks ago when I went on a mini shopping spree for the first time in two years. It was completely impulsive and I probably wasted $100, but it was worth every penny. When I spotted them, it was like love at first sight. I tried them on and got a reaction like no other. Two older women yelled at me, “Those look fabulous! You have to get them.” The salesmen chimed in and told me how beautiful they looked. I didn’t know if the compliments were meant for me or the shoes, but I didn’t care. I felt sexy, beautiful, and confident. At that moment, my legs became my favorite show piece. I’ve always had hangups about my legs because I thought they were too big. They are big, but that is what makes them attractive. So why did it take 28 years and a pair of red heels for me to realize this?

Red has always been a powerful color in my life. It represents heat, passion and energy. As a child, I was drawn to fire and once burned my finger because I couldn’t contain my curiosity. This experience made me fearful of the color red. Once I realized the power and danger associated with red, I tried to stay away from it, but somehow I couldn’t. The color was there when I had my first bad accident and scraped my knee to the bone from a fall on the concrete. It hurt like hell, but I couldn’t stop looking at the deep, rich color of my blood. I was thankful to oxygen for giving it such a vibrant color. I felt quite exposed and vulnerable at that moment, and loved it. When we bleed we are releasing a small part of our lifeline to the universe, sharing our inner beauty and soul with the world; something that’s rarely done. I realized that instead of running from the color…from the electricity…from the power…from myself, it was time to embrace it.

The turning point in my love-hate relationship with red came in college. The colors of the sorority that I pledged were Crimson and Crème. This time, when red was forced upon me, I embraced it! I made a commitment to the color and wore it proudly. In this new context, it represented the leadership, confidence, and greatness of the thousands of women who came before me. It was then that I knew that red always had been and always would be a part of me. I rediscovered this when I tried on that pair of red heels. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, I was transported to a magical place; one of confidence, self-love, and freedom. I was reminded once again that I am beautiful.

A pair of red pumps from Nordstrom: $100
The confidence to rediscover yourself: Priceless

Confidence and happiness are contagious. Spend time with the people, places, and things that make you happiest. Find your own confidence catalyst. For me it was a pair of red pumps. What’s yours?

Tanisha Drummer is an MBA student at the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

7/29/07

Can we please start a revolution?


Why is it that more than half my female friends hate their bodies?
Perfectly muscular, uniquely fragile, or utterly stunning,
they all hate their bodies.
I am a culprit at times as well.

Can we please start a revolution?

Can we start loving ourselves, just the way we were created?
Can we look at ourselves in the mirror and see the strength
that has been given to us, as women?

We are mothers, daughters, sisters, lovers, friends, brokers,
bankers, teachers, firefighters, lawyers, thinkers, philosophers,
politicians, doctors, cooks....

We are beautiful and we need to love ourselves!

Including the love handles, including the stretch marks, including
the not-so-shiny hair, including the ultra-long legs, including the small
breasts,

Including all our imperfections.

And most importantly the imperfections that society and oversexed magazines
and all the noise around us have dumped on us.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, REALLY!

Can we please start a revolution?

7/28/07

Samjhauta Express (Reconciliation Express)

My best friend Nadia sent me this poem, written by a Pakistani friend of hers, Afreina Noor. A train from Pakistan to India was burnt by activists in rage against peace talks between India and Pakistan, which deeply impacted her.














sixty years ago
there came home a train
all burnt and black
with carriages filled
of corpses mutilated
they were angry then
that we had broken off
they said we were a part of them
and we always would be
why then should we have a separate nation
they couldn't understand
today we sent a train
we named it Samjhauta Express
it was going back home
we were trying to re-establish ties
which we broke off sixty years ago
and for every one of those years
they paid us back
by burning alive sixty of us
sixty people
who had nothing to do with politics
innocent lives
prisoned in a moving, burning furnace
what was their crime
why did they have to pay
and with every life
they broke a home
they shattered childrens lives
incomplete
emotionally maimed
who will pay the price
for parents lost
for broken homes and hearts
for lives torn apart
when all we wanted was to be friends again
was it so great a crime?
and what about your own people
in their memories
how they tried to save a train full of burning people
won't your childrens nights be haunted
for the rest of their lives?
we paid then
and we are paying now
but we will not pay tomorrow
our children will not pay the price of our freedom
we will break through these barriers
we will not let this last
we will still cross borders
and you can keep your fires
burning in your hearts!

Afreina Noor
Pakistan, February 19, 2007

7/20/07

The 'F' Word - An Ongoing Debate

I came across this article in the Valley Advocate last week and I find the question over the word 'feminist' fascinating, so let's discuss! Feel free to share your thoughts and comments...

Teaching and Learning the F Word

"I'm not a feminist."
In classes I teach, a female student invariably tosses this one into conversation, using the phrase to make sure that, despite what she is about to say, no one should think badly of her. And I have taught many different kinds of students, from a variety of backgrounds in a variety of settings. Still the same sentence:
"I am not a feminist."
The statement is always striking-- not only because students rarely come up with anything self-consciously radical in many classroom conversations, but also because the very fact of the student's presence, from her butt in the seat to her hand raised in the air, actually signifies feminism's ideal. In the moment of her declaration she is asserting her right to participation; she is making her voice heard. And that is important to feminism, no?
At the same time, she very likely has a point. True, she is making her voice heard, but she might also be concerned that her voice will be over-heard, in the sense that it will become overdetermined in its association with a discourse with which she is uncomfortable, or even concerned that her voice might be appropriated by that discourse. And I totally think she is right to feel that way. I know I do.
When discussing topics that reflect feminism's basic tenets, everyone generally is down with the program, as long as I don't give it a name. But if I call anything "feminism," almost all will turn away. And indeed, only very recently have I come to refer to things I do and say as specifically feminist, even though for years I have been teaching classes on women and power, come from a family of powerful, "I'll shoot your damn balls off if you cross me" women, and have generally held as gospel the notion that women are equal to (or better than most) men. But, to me, that wasn't feminism; that was just who I am. Sometimes I would call it womanism.
Backlash, or some bad PR for feminismBorn after ERA, the vision of "feminism" I grew up included unshaven legs, really bad fashion sense, and an "irrational" and mean-spirited hatred of men. I believed this even as, on the level of rights and the kinds of identities access to rights make possible, I had been afforded every opportunity feminism had made possible. And these opportunities were further enabled by a media apparatus that feminism had itself enabled, movies like 9 to 5, The Color Purple, and Thelma and Louise. My girlhood was heavily affected by such films, and even though I could today offer sophisticated critiques of each, I know that, in its moment, each film impacted my nascent womanself in positive ways. They contributed to a sense of self that I have absolutely been allowed to take for granted.
But, again: I have a sneaking suspicion that if you were to ask any of the film's protagonists if they are feminists, the answer would likely be "no." For in their cultural moments-- the late eighties into the late nineties-- feminism did not mean "sisterhood," or black, or any of the themes such films identify and celebrate. Now that I have a little bit more perspective on that era, however, I think that we can read this disjuncture between act (being a powerful woman) and its description (not feminism) as symptomatic of a wide-scale conspiracy to undercut the advancements made by women in the seventies.
Okay, maybe not. But I do see two things happening to feminism at once. The first involves feminism falling victim to a kind of backlash grounded in mainstream anxieties around the social transformations the seventies signified (we also see this in media representations of race in the same era). The second is a matter of feminism suffering from its failure to adequately recognize its own implication and participation in other kinds of social oppression, particularly vis-à-vis race and class. Feminism's inability to broaden its recognition of women's struggles forced the movement to close ranks around female difference as its signature difference. I don't blame the backlash on feminism, but this enclosure likely contributed to its reputation as a limited movement set against a limited term, men-- and not as a vital social movement with concerns against a broader term, patriarchy. In the popular imagination, feminism isn't against "oppression"; feminism is against men.
The problem of difference
A misrepresentation indeed, but feminism's problems-or rather my problem with it- isn't all about one big misunderstanding. That second thing, the failure to recognize diversity in female struggle, really hurts. Indeed, as I write this, I can't help but think about how a good portion of my identity as a woman of color has been constituted, ironically, against mainstream feminism-particularly after I came to feel that the black working class background that established my sense of difference from feminism was precisely the kind of identity mainstream/academic feminism imagined itself through. I found it tiresome and dispiriting. I became thoroughly displeased with what I saw as the production then appropriation of my alienation.
I remember sitting in a woman studies class as an undergrad, the only black student there, and it being announced that "everything Marisa says is very, very special" (wait: it is!). I remember taking another such class in graduate school, again the only black student. After gritting my teeth through a semester of smiling, white matriarchy, I received a B+, my only, and was told that they (it was team taught) were "disappointed" that, after a "stunning" presentation on race and bell hooks, I left "that line of inquiry" behind to do something "more unexpected but too classical" (a paper on gender and justice in The Oresteia). The kicker, of course, is that not only had I been judged for not performing as expected viz. race, but I had never done a presentation on bell hooks. That was my friend Mike, and he is white!
Needless to say, I declared myself done with feminism. Now, quite a few years later, I am back in the fold, but only because I have become comfortable with my reservations and my assertions thereof.
A final example: Upon being asked if she would identify herself as a feminist, Michelle Obama gave the following response:
"You know, I'm not that into labels," Obama said. "So probably, if you laid out a feminist agenda, I would probably agree with a large portion of it," she said. "I wouldn't identify as a feminist just like I probably wouldn't identify as a liberal or a progressive."
Like many of my female students, powerful and thinking hard about their futures, Michelle Obama here reduces feminism to a label. For much as many students probably aren't going to sit in class and (consciously) speak through what they imagine to be an exclusionary discourse, Obama's response is quick and diplomatic, acknowledging that she's down for women's rights, but also trying to dissociate from any perceived negative affiliation. Her response offers yet another way of thinking about why a class filled with women-- poster children for feminism and its achievements-- shun the term. "Feminism," it seems, has become tainted, resonating more as an -ism and less as a way of naming women's right to make choices for themselves, a right that has been hard won and is always at risk of slipping away.
There is danger in refusing to give woman-centered action a name. Michelle Obama is big and fancy, but in our daily lives such diplomacy puts us at risk for losing sight of our interests as women. After all, conceding important rights and concerns to those of others, in order to keep the peace? Now that's stereotype to look out for.
To end, I must admit that calling myself a feminist requires an uphill battle, a battle to nevertheless hold the trust of other women of color and also to set forth the terms through which I would like to be recognized by white feminism. I am still uncomfortable. But I have come to believe that this is a battle worth fighting, for the costs of not making connections across gender, race, and class are too high, and will likely be borne on the backs of the very women kept at a distance from the term's nascent power to force recognition, to make alliances. As I've said elsewhere, I might sometimes leave the term behind, but not the game.